The River of Life: Dear Dad...

I wrote this for my dad over a decade ago seeing in him things I hoped to come in future days. After this past weekend and being in the Temple with him for the first time in 16 years I felt I should share this.  

Water rushing by, almost like a dream. Cannot wipe away the cobwebs of a short nights sleep. Heavenly golden rays find their way through the wooden giants, trunks as old as those who gaze upon them. Strong and firm the giants stand, gazing upon the river like protectors, friends.

The sun splashes upon the rippling pool of life, dancing and singing its silent song. A bird or two and a breeze, always a fresh mountain grown breeze. It cools and brings with it a crispness and familiarity that can only be felt at this place and at this time.

I came with excitement; I came with hopes to catch the biggest and the best. Now frustration and strife disturb my serenity. “Give up, you are beaten... you are no good!” These words pierce my mind with sharpness and relentless pain.

After what seems years it finally comes, it is the hand, as big as life, it rests upon my shoulder. The hand, scarred and worn from years of labor, fills my soul with warmth, warmth of endless love. Oh the voice of one who knows, he sees, he understands. Softly he speaks, “my son, you have a tangled mess here. I will help. Give me your line, you have done enough. Now go rest for a time and allow me to heal and mend wrongs you cannot rectify.” With the tender love of a father he makes everything better again. I continue on with renewed intensity, but now with an increased understanding.

The day is far from over. There are many joys to experience, many fish to catch, but I now know; HE will always be there, my Father by my side. I need not fear.

Now I see I see with eyes of experience. Many have let go and many have wandered. Many have never experienced the healing hand of the Father, for these I morn. Yet as the hours flow by I have seen a mighty few, as strong as the river rocks are these. In the river of life we view many. Some sit on the banks and dip their toes while others merely cast a solitary reflection. Some jump head first into the rushing waters and drown, or simply float away.

The mighty few are those who have fallen in unknowingly and find that all light is gone. Yet these few emerge from the bottom of the cold depths to struggle with life itself. As a result of this struggle two things happen. The first is that the rough stone edges of heartache begin to wear away. Second, the river then parts as it passes by or smoothly flows over these rocks so few. Where many drown these precious few live. They live what is almost a new life, one were all who pass pause to honor the life lived and savor the life now created.

My dad is among these mighty ones. These mighty few have fought for so long that they cannot see their own reflection of what they have miraculously become. I see, I see the light that now burns, I see one who I love more now then ever.

The Father, he has those he cherishes the most. These are his precious river rocks, the stones that seem to fight an unending battle against the currents of life. As his Son once delicately put it, “for who that has ninety and nine and has lost one does not leave the ninety and nine to find the one. And when returning with the one rejoices more over the one then over all of the ninety and nine. Thus is the kingdom of heaven.” So it is with the mighty few, rejoice, rejoice indeed.

We are not alone in this river we call life. Many are there to guide and to love. We may catch the big one and we may not, but all that matters is that we have come, and we do not finish till we are done. When the sun is set and night is drawn, when finally we are brought home.

Now I vow, I vow to return and not alone. Those I love and those I hold dear, they will be by my side or leading the way. I will not return till all I love are with me, and then will the work be done. Hand in hand, the Father we will greet and share all together the wonders and the heartaches and greatest of all the joys and splendors of the river, the river we call life.

 -The Feeble Soul

© 2013

A Reflection on Faith & Trials

Right before Christmas my family and I were driving around Idaho Falls looking at the Christmas lights when I took us through Snake River Landing. This property is one of many that I managed before being laid off this summer. The scars still somewhat fresh from that experience, we drove slowly and looked at the 100 + trees all lit up.  The trees were gorgeous in the winter night. The day before we had an interesting weather phenomenon with thick fog and a resulting winter wonder land. At first I thought it was Air Hoarfrost but after doing a little research I found that it is actually called Rime Ice that had formed on the trees. I wanted to continue driving through but my wife suggested I pull over and take a picture. So I pulled out my 21st Century camera (iPhone 5) and snapped a couple shots. Sometimes I get lucky, this was one of those times. No editing was done, nature had already taken care of that.

This picture has taught me 2 things. The first is that I should listen to my wife more and the second is that out of the frigidly blinding foggy night can come breathtaking results. Without the thick low hanging clouds to prevent one from seeing, the phenomenon of Rime Ice cannot form. This was the first time in my life I have seen this winter wonder occur in such a way. 

Over the course of the next 2 weeks, I would come to see countless winter wonders. These were created by those we know as we were covered in a blanket of blessings from so many.
(Here is that Story)
http://thefeeblesoul.blogspot.com/2013/12/a-20-christmas-miracle.html

Due to the blessings that descended, I was in the position to explore teaching religion (Seminary) to LDS high school students part time. As a student teacher I would then be up for full time hiring this April. More miracles occurred and I spoke face to face with the Student Teacher Trainer on the last Friday of Christmas break. I began teaching one class up at the Madison high school seminary in Rexburg the following Monday. I have come to know for a surety that this is what I am supposed to be doing at this point. 

Will I get hired to teach full time? I don't know but as I prepared to speak in sacrament meeting today at church I had some time this week to reflect on a few things concerning Faith & Trials. The suggestion was made to post my talk but I don't write out talks word for word. I bullet point ideas & scriptures or make a grouping of quotes, etc. With an extemporaneous delivery, it is impossible for me to write down what was spoken and share it in the same way it was delivered. Short of recording it and transcribing it I can only share the ideas, and not the talk. The message was for that particular audience at that moment, to try to re-create that would not do it justice but I feel I need to pass along some of the things I explored. What I want to share is simply the "solution step" portion of my talk that I was only able to briefly cover today.

Of Faith and Trials:

Three points to ponder in the midst of struggling to keep your faith in the midst of trials.

#1 Obedience

Obedience to God and his commandments will strengthen your faith as you know that you are doing all that you can do. You can kneel before him in confidence that you are doing your part and the blessings he has for you will eventually come. 

#2 Forgiveness

To hold strong to faith in the turbulent sea of sorrow and heartache one needs to seek forgiveness from Heavenly Father and to extend forgiveness to others. This act cleanses the soul and purges out sin, malice and hate in our lives. Satan is the father of contention and holding on to his destructive child, even a small portion, will erode our faith.

#3 Gratitude

Applying the atonement in our lives brings pure faith as we trust in the Savior. Gratitude will literally change our minds and our behavior, increasing our faith. We should start our prayers with thanking the Father for our blessings and for his Son. We should start our day by reflecting on what we are grateful for and end the day doing the same. Science is realizing this phenomenon and its power to heal attitudes and literal change our brain. 

I viewed a 'Ted talk' by Psychologist Daniel Amen this past week. (You can find him on Youtube). He has conducted  over 83,000 brain scans. The scans were done on brains of those diseased with mental illness or were physically damaged. The scans showed pockets or holes in brain activity and functionality. This leads to problems in behavior. It is interesting that the healing process and therapy that has verifiable results starts with one simple action. The literal healing of the brain occurs, these holes or pockets of activity begin to heal with one simple act. The start of this is done in the simple process of having the patients come up with 3 things every day they are thankful for. This action was done with patients dealing with everything from depression & anxiety to Alzheimer's and even those suffering from blunt force head trauma. The therapy, centered around gratitude, helped to fill in the inactive parts of the brain. Attitudes and behaviors changed for the better.

Gratitude will not only heal you but will strengthen and build your faith because it is an action centered in and through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. He is the ultimate Healer.

Finally, when we feel we have done all we can we need to exercise our faith in the mist of our trials we must take a "But if not..." attitude. 

In the LDS General Conference of April 2004, Elder Dennis Simmons shared this "But if Not..." principle. The following is from his talk:

"We must have the same faith as Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego.

They were told to worship idols or be thrown in the fiery furnace. They had faith that they would be delivered but they also made the statement "but if not, we will still not believe in your idols." 

Our God will deliver us from ridicule and persecution, but if not. … Our God will deliver us from sickness and disease, but if not … . He will deliver us from loneliness, depression, or fear, but if not. … Our God will deliver us from threats, accusations, and insecurity, but if not. … He will deliver us from death or impairment of loved ones, but if not, … we will trust in the Lord.

Our God will see that we receive justice and fairness, but if not. … He will make sure that we are loved and recognized, but if not. … We will receive a perfect companion and righteous and obedient children, but if not, … we will have faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, knowing that if we do all we can do, we will, in His time and in His way, be delivered and receive all that He has." 

I love this principle shared by Elder Simmons. 

Through the winter fog of heartache and sorrow, we will find miracles. We will find sights that astound us and if we are faithful will lead us back into the arms of our loving Father in Heaven. It is our faith that we are to find. God knows our hearts, our strength and our faith. The trials we face are not for his benefit but for ours so that we too can come to know of our own strength. To know what we are capable of. One day I hope to look into His loving eyes and in them see myself as he sees me. This is my hope and my faith.

-The Feeble Soul